your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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