And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
