I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
