someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
