lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
40s are totally the cure
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
