Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
