I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My vagina just recognized that song.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
