Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
