i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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