I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
