We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
