theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
