You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
