I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
COCAINE IS GR8
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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