I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
