im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
