so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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