Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
