He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
