She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
