she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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