ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
