after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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