Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
