I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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