Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
