haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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