so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
