Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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