she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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