By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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