I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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