My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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