It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
