Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
