Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
