upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He did a backflip because drugs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
