im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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