Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
