have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
