i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
