Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
