Your tits are I can't wait for
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
