I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
