It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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