I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
