I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
