About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
