Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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