Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
