There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
