i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
