sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
