I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
