Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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