I think I am morally bankrupt
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's blow job season.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
